thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
