just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I party with great urgency now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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