I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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