Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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