oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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