Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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