Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to have your abortion
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
