I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
