Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
