Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Still dying that you shit outside
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
