This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
