its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
