have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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