I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
