32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
