Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
