Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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