does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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