I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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