i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
