"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
