i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
