I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everclear isn't food dammit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
