Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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