yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
