I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
