first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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