I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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