She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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