what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
