her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
