honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
