I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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