These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
