you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
