she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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