it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
