ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
