I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
