It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize