I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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