I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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