did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
