Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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