I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
