so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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