im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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