he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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