he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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