You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
