The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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