your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize