I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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