I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
