You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
