There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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