She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
