I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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