Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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