Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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