Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
