I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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