it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
