It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my sisters under your porch take her home
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
