How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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