I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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