everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
