I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
