??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
